This one’s for Lauren.

Tonight I want to talk about Groupon. Lauren got me started on Groupon back when we worked together at IL. On one occasion, I recall Lauren and I seriously contemplating the purchase of some (sweet) highly-discounted tickets to enjoy a fancy evening on an exotic river cruise. I never purchased my Groupon but I’m SURE Lauren still went. (Tell me you went multiple times.)

Anyway, the idea behind Groupon is solid. I love me a good coupon. And I have even purchased two or three in the past couple of months…so I feel that I am totally allowed to make fun of them like I am about to.

We have established that coupons are great. But lately I have been just as satisfied with the emails as I am with the not-so-sharp discounts. I would cancel or change my settings to get them less frequently, but why would I deprive myself a good laugh or miss out on a chance to purchase a belt that will give me and my significant other rockin’ 12-packs?

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Amazing, right?¬†But wait, there’s more! Here are a few others I’ve been saving in my email. You know, just in case.

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The Auto-Flow Pet Water Fountain.
This is completely¬†unnecessary. I just can’t even talk about the extent to which cats do not need water fountains. Can’t do it.

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Noise-Blocking SleepPhones
Okay, this one might be cool if it worked. And if these two didn’t look 100% ridiculous while sleeping in it. My question is this- if they both are wearing SleepPhones, what is keeping them up at night? Oh yes, their cat drinking from a fountain.

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Set of 2 Americana Candles
I won’t forget the candles who died to give these candles to me. (Too far? Sorry, I LOVE Lee Greendwood. I really do.)

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Accupressure Weight-Loss Earring
Um, yeah right. These earrings aim to reduce feelings of hunger like my down feather pillows aim to reduce feelings of sleeping.

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Set of Two Berry Ball Bra Washers
I’m sorry, I have never lost a bra in the process of washing it. I don’t think we need to put our bras in pink hamster balls for them to launder safely.

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Two Glacier Ball Silicone Ice Molds
Add another tally to the ‘weird spherical objects of Groupon’ section.

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Robotic Vacuum with Pet and Allergy Kit
Robots cleaning up after human pets? All my Jetsons dreams are coming to fruition. Now I just need that machine that feeds me breakfast and does my hair in the morning.

Speaking of hair…

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American Flag Ceramic Flat Iron
Americana hair tools! I’m pretty sure when you plug it in it starts playing this.

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Adopt-A-Bird Program
View items in cart much?!

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